


I Can't Help But Wonder

by ashilrak



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Gen, Not A Fix-It, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Sometimes the past hurts, of a sort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:32:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/pseuds/ashilrak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was a simple metal box, about the size of a trunk, with the letters SGR marked in black on the side...</p><p>She hasn’t opened it. She keeps the key to the lock in the same box she keeps her gun.The only difference is that one of those things is regularly brought out to see the light of day.</p><p>It just so happens that Agent Peggy Carter did not plan on one Angie Martinelli."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Help But Wonder

**Author's Note:**

> This has been running through my head, and I haven't written anything in a while. So, here begins my adventures into the Agent Carter world of fanfiction.

She had no idea why she had it, and she liked to think that she had forgotten about it.

But that would be lying, and lying to herself is something that Peggy did not like to do. 

It had been shoved under her bed ever since she had first gotten it; it dredged up too many memories, both good and bad. Maybe one day, when she had a bottle of schnapps and the nostalgia to go with it, she would take the time to go through it.

It was a simple metal box, about the size of a trunk, with the letters SGR marked in black on the side. After the good Captain had fallen, someone had the sense to round up all his belongings, most likely Jones, and put it all in this box. The commandoes were the ones that gave it to her, saying someone had to have it, and it’s not like he had any family back home.

She hasn’t opened it. She keeps the key to the lock in the same box she keeps her gun.The only difference is that one of those things is regularly brought out to see the light of day.

It just so happens that Agent Peggy Carter did not plan on one Angie Martinelli. 

They had been sitting on her bed, making their way through a cake and a small bottle of cheap whiskey. But then Angie dropped her fork, and before Peggy could make a move to get up, Angie fell to the floor in search of her lost utensil. It had managed to fall under the bed, and while Angie did find her fork, she also found the trunk.

Now, having a trunk under your bed was by no means abnormal. It’s just that Angie is of a curious sort, and liked to think that her and Peggy were close enough that it wouldn’t be weird if she asked about it. After all, Angie knew plenty of girls who kept old dresses and other such memories in trunks under their beds; Angie was one of them herself.

What she did not expect was Peggy’s look of surprise.

So, Angie simply pulled the trunk, well more of a metal box, out from under the bed and into the open. It was simple enough, with no decoration that she could see, and a large lock keeping it shut.

“Hey English, what’s so special and secret that you’ve got to keep it locked away like this?”

Peggy’s eyes had yet to move from the side of the box, her face having turned quite pale only a moment before. Angie made to move up off the floor, and sit back next to Peggy, her fork long forgotten.

“You don’t have to tell me you know.”

Angie had expected silence, and was surprised when Peggy made a move to speak.  
“I know. It’s just, you know that I was involved with the war effort.”

Angie nodded thoughtfully to herself.

“Yes, don’t know what exactly you did though.”

Peggy had yet to move her gaze from the box that stared accusingly at the both of them from the middle of the floor. Angie grabbed the whiskey and placed it into her hand, Peggy took a healthy swig, not bothering to pour it into a glass, and started to answer.

“I’m afraid that I’d prefer not to go into that much detail, but to properly explain why that box has garnered such a reaction, this might take a little bit of time.”

“However long you need.”

Peggy took another sip from the bottle, before shoving it back into Angie’s hand.

“Well, I was working at Camp Lehigh, and a group of new recruits were going through their basic training. Among these men was a singularly unique individual named Steve. Now, I’m sure you understand that many of the men with the respect I so desired, but Steve was not one of these men.”

Angie nodded thoughtfully, though Peggy wasn’t looking at her to see it, “Pegs, is this a love story?”

Peggy blinked a few times at that, before finally looking in her direction and smiling sadly, “Yes, I guess it is.”

Angie smiled in return, “Then keep going.”

“Okay. Well, Steve made it through Basic, and was called up by his superiors, and I ended up accompanying him. We were sitting together in the car, and it was very possibly the most awkward conversation I have ever had the pleasure of having. You have to understand, he really was charming, even before you got to properly know him, but he had no idea how to talk to a woman.”

Angie couldn’t help it, she giggled. 

“Really?”

Peggy smiled in return, “He even told me so,” she leaned in conspiratorially, “which is unfortunate, because there were many women who wished to do quite a bit more than talk with him.”  
“Was he a looker then?”

Peggy smiled, though this time it looked almost as if she was keeping a secret, “Oh, you have no idea.” 

Angie leaned in, “Please, do tell me more.”

Peggy settled back against the pillow.

“No more interruptions, got it? Good. Now, after the meeting, I wouldn’t see him for quite some time. I was in Italy, and he had other business at the camp I was at. Now, I’m sure we would have spent some time talking with one another, but he would have left eventually. However, his timing was lucky, or unlucky, depending on how you look at it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I said no interruptions.”

Angie made a lip zipping motion with her hand, and then settled back against the cushions, her shoulder brushing up against the other brunettes. 

“Well, it ended up that the unit that was at the camp at the time was the unit that his best friend had been assigned to. Understand that best friend might be a bit of an understatement, the two of them were closer than brothers, I swear. Well, it just turns out that his friend’s unit had recently been through quite a traumatic experience.”

She let out quite a lengthy sigh before continuing.

“After a series of events, Steve had gained quite a large amount of respect throughout the camp, and was suddenly a part of the unit I was tied to. The more time we spent together, the closer we became. I was quite infatuated, you know, and I like to think he was too. Everything had been running to smoothly. War is war, and it’s a terrible experience, but they were simply too good at it, and I think they started to feel a bit invincible, Steve’s unit, that is.”

Angie knew there wasn’t going to be a happy ending, or else Angie probably would have never met Peggy in the first place. This was already quite an emotional experience for Peggy, but hopefully it would end up being good for her. 

“Pegs, you don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”

Peggy just nodded, “No, it’s fine. I want to now, and afterwards, we are going to open that box.”

“Whatever you say, English.”  
“Well, Steve’s friend, James, ending up not making it back after one mission. The days after they came back blur together, slightly, but the next thing I remember is sitting in a half destroyed bar in the middle of London watching Steve try to drink himself to death. Not a pleasant experience.”

Angie gently placed her head on Peggy’s shoulder, waiting for any sign that such an action was unwelcome. No sign came. A moment passed and Peggy continued, “It wasn’t long after that actually, when Steve went down. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if Steve could have made it, and it was just grief that held him back. He promised me a dance, you know. The coms broke off mid-sentence. I’m never going to know what he was about to say, and all I have left is that box.”

“Peggy, you’re leaving quite a bit out, but that’s okay. Are you sure you want to open the trunk?”

Peggy moved to get off the bed, “Yes Angie, I’m sure. I just need you to promise me something.”

Angie sat forward, “Sure, anything.”

Angie felt a chill go through her at the intensity of the other woman’s gaze.

“I don’t really know what’s in here, but if it’s anything like what I imagine, there are no doubt some things that will make you want to ask a few questions. Ask me anything you like, I might not answer, but do ask. What I need you to promise is this: nothing you see, nothing you find out is to leave this room.”

Peggy didn’t break eye-contact, and neither did she. 

“I’m a bit worried now, but I promise that whatever is in that box, will stay between us.”

It was only after the tension left the room that Peggy turned around to fetch what was presumably a key. 

A short moment later, they were both kneeling in front of the trunk, waiting for the lock to unlatch. Almost no time passed before they heard a click, and the box was opened for the first time in over a year.

At first glance, there was nothing particularly interesting. There was a journal that was worn at the edges, a couple knives, a set of pencils, what looked like the chain to a set of dog tags, a pile of folded up green fabric, and under all of this was a khaki fabric wrapped bundle. 

Peggy grabbed the green fabric, and lifted it so that it quickly unfolded into a recognizable form: the jacket to a dress uniform. When not being worn it looked quite silly, really.

“Peggy, did this jacket actually fit this Steve of yours?”  
Peggy looked sharply at her, “What do you mean? Of course it did.”

Angie sighed and chuckled, “I’m sorry. I know that clothing sometimes looks funny when not being worn, especially when it’s fitted, but it’s just - look at the shoulders on this thing!”

“I don’t get it.”

“Peggy, the waist on that jacket looks like it could barely make it around our hips. But then the shoulders of it could probably go around us four times.”

Peggy stared at her with a confused expression before chuckling to herself.

“You’re not wrong.”

“Wait, is that why you acted so funny when I said that guy with the suit had nice shoulders? Because, I mean, if this is your point of comparison…”

“That’s certainly not all of the reason.”

Angie smiled, she couldn’t help it, “But it is certainly part of the reason.”

Peggy smiled back, “Yes.”

The next twenty or so minutes were spent quietly, as Peggy looked her way through the journal. Angie was tempted to ask to look at it, but didn’t want to intrude on what was obviously a private moment for Peggy.

Not much time passed before everything from the box was laid out on the floor, including the mysterious khaki wrapped bundle.

“Pegs, you acted like there was some top secret information in here or something, all I see is some normal stuff.”

“Angie, I said I don’t know what’s in here, for all I know, there could be.”

Angie huffed. Peggy laughed.

“Well, you know what, I’ll let you open this. I know you, this has to have been bothering you for at least a little bit now.”

Angie laughed too, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

Peggy smirked, “I rarely am.”  
Angie grabbed the bundle, and moved it so that she had better access to the ties, but had it angled so that Peggy could still see its contents. 

She peeled back the layers of fabric, and could not believe what she saw. 

“Peggy.”

“Yes, Angie?”

“Are these shorts?”

Peggy leaned over to get a closer look. Indeed, on top of the pile, the bright blue fabric could be mistaken for nothing else than a pair of scandalously short shorts.

“Peggy, are these yours?”

For all Angie knew, Peggy could have been a performer of some sort during the war.But before she could continue on that train of thought, Peggy started laughing.

“No, these are Steve’s. I honestly thought he had gotten rid of them.”

“Peggy, why did he have them in the first place?”

Peggy stopped laughing.

“Now that question is a bit more difficult to answer.”

“What are you talking about?”

Peggy sighed, and started to reveal the other contents of the package. Everything besides the shorts seemed to be folded up so that they were unrecognizable.

“Okay, so this is where the promise you made me is going to come into play, if these are indeed what I think they are.”

Angie was most definitely confused by this point.

“Whatever you say, English.”

As Peggy moved to unwrap the bundles, she was hit with a wave of understanding. Every single one of those bundles was either red, white, blue, or a combination of the three colors. There were quite a few stars and stripes that could be seen, and it would take an idiot to not connect the dots.  
Peggy stared at her silently.

“Are you trying to tell me that your Steve just so happens to be Captain America.”

Peggy nodded.

Angie was silent. 

Minutes passed, and they could both faintly hear a clock ticking.

Angie stood up, and made for the door. Peggy made no move to stop her.

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended to remain a one-shot, but then it didn't end the way I necessarily intended. I might leave it as is, I might add another chapter.
> 
> Feel free to message me on either of my tumblrs:  
> Fanfiction specific: kookookarli.tumblr.com  
> Personal: Steverogerscouldgetit.tumblr.com


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